Self Care...

I'm a care giver. That's what I do. Most massage therapists fall in this category. Wounded healers if you will. Looking back into my history, it became very clear that I put everyone's needs before my own. This, in itself, is not a bad thing. However, if you do not have a well to draw from to replinish your own needs when your well is running dry, things tend to fall apart. In my case, it was the darkness of depression. Days of just not caring merged with days where it was a struggle to get out of bed. For those that suffer with depression, I deeply feel your pain.

Fortunately, I climbed out of the depression pit and into the sunlight. I still put other's needs before mine in most cases. The difference now lies in the fact that I know when I need to take care of me. Yesterday was one of those "me" days. I did not step foot out of the house. I read, I watched mindless tv, I napped, I took a bubble bath, and I did not answer my phone (much to the frustration of my friend I'll refer to as the non-blonde.) This is what I needed. This is what my body and mind craved in order to recharge my batteries. Today I explained to the non-blonde that I was fine...just taking some time for me. She was relieved that something disasterous had not happened to me.

This afternoon, I gave a massage. I gave 100%. Long, smooth, nurturing strokes. Comfort flowing from my hands into the body of another. It was healing for both of us, only because I've found that "balance." My harmony. I know when I need to take care of me.

In my "me" time, I also made another self discovery. In every relationship I've been in, I've been the giver. My parter received the comfort, nurturing, support and love.....then they'd walk out the door and leave me...an empty vessel. "No more!" is the cry of Bendy. Awareness is stoked up on high. The giving must be a two way street going forward. My dear friends, Maximus & Pickle have that balance...that harmony. They're in the flow. Thank you both for setting such a good example of what a relationship should be :)